More needles.

Every day I have been meaning to write my blog but time has just flown by.  I don't think I have stopped since last week which is a great really.  Doing this n that but mostly coffee and outings with friends and the boys.  By the end of each day I have been completely shattered but also fulfilled with the days events.  It is quite amazing that you can go with one week being completely knocked out to being today full of life.  I think I am making the most of feeling well.

It was quite an eventful week last week. On the Tuesday night while Evanda was here my arm which had been bothering me for days and was still playing up, painful and swollen. I decided to call and do something about it.  After 5 hours in AAU in Basingstoke the doctor came to the conclusion that the he thought I had a blood clot in my arm which was caused by the chemo thickening my blood.  I was given an injection and then sent on my way thinking I would be back in the morning for a scan.  The next day I got a call saying I needed another injection and my scan would not be until the following day.  So off I went to the hospital to get my injection.  While I was there I saw a doctor and he give me my jab but also explained that if it was a clot I would have to inject myself daily for the next 3 months.  I just started crying and sobbed and explained that I just can't inject myself.  I know that there are people out there that give themselves a daily jab but the thought just makes me feel sick.  A district nurse explained it really well and said that we all have a stress level limit and like a bucket of water the smallest of drops can spill over the edge.  This is how I felt just could cope with doing that on top of the other injections I'm having.  I have always been so resilient to stress and taken life in my stride but this whole experience has really has pushed me to my limits.  Anyway, the following day I went for the scan and thank goodness it came back clear and no clot. I could have jumped with joy. Felt so happy.

Even though it has been exhausting going in and out of hospital there are some positives that have come out of it.  My blood tests that the results show that my white blood count and Neuts...somethings have come back really strong and better than when I started chemo.  The side effects from the injection that I have to have for 7 days are worth it.

Still struggling with the hair lose and thanks to Evanda who made me get my wardrobe out and put different scarves on and just make myself feel better and I even let her take photos of me.  If they are any good I will put them up for you all to see.  Every day now I make an effort with necklaces, earrings and makeup. It does work, I do feel better or maybe just getting use to the idea that this is me for the time being.  Also an excuse for a bit of retail therapy and refreshed my scarf collection with some lovely summer pastel colours.

Had a very down moment last night and just cried.  I do feel very lonely sometimes not having anyone here to support me when I get these moments.

Had lunch today with a friend I have met because of cancer.  We walked the dogs and compared notes on side effects, feelings and life.  There is something about sharing stuff with someone going through the same thing.  No matter how detailed you explain to others what you are going through and how you feel I don't think they will ever understand what it is actually like. We laughed about sticky eyes, wind from both ends, hair and cravings.

This week is a busy one with lunches, coffees and outings.  I am even going to the pub on Wednesday for a quiz.  I won't be much good as not great at quizes but looking forward to getting out of the house and feeling normal.  On a bit of a count down before Friday, I can't think about it at all at the moment.

Sxx