A tough 48 hours

A tough few days

Yesterday I think was the worse day so far with my 3 treatments which is making me dread the next 3 a little more.  The last 2 days have been spent mostly laying horizontal.  Thank goodness for Netflicks.  I have never watched so much television in all my life, still won't do daytime TV though, I do have limits.   My energy levels are so low and not managing to lift a finger, I have been out on a few little trips but they are just so exhausting.  As the day went on yesterday the worse I seem to become.  Everything is an effort, I have a real heavy dragging feeling and my head just feels a mess. I sat and cried on the bed last night not knowing what to do with myself poor Charlotte sat next to me not knowing what to do either.  Its horrible really that no one can do anything to make this go away and this is something I just have to face head on and deal with on my own with my own strength. I am not sure what I would do sat next to someone feeling that nothing I said or did would help.   Not getting enough sleep doesn't help but I am hoping that will start to improve later in the week.  I just keep saying to myself 3 to go, 3 to go. I really had to pull myself together last night and get my head around how bad I feel and tell myself I can do this. 

 

My taste has changed again and unless it is either freezing cold or a very strong taste it makes me gag.  The gag reflex is becoming quite good.  Taking tablets is fun considering that I am popping tablets every 4 hours, brushing my teeth and now my staple diet of toast and jam all make me want to gag. 

This morning I made myself get out of bed and get showered.  I could quite easily have stayed there and slept all day but I know that won't do me any good whatsoever.  I got myself up, went to Hartley Wintney for a coffee and cake (thank you Teresa B).  Isn't amazing how a piece of cake and a good cup of coffee in the sun can make you feel so much better.  The side effects from the injections are kicking in good too!  My head is cold all the time, it is the strangest of feelings and my sinus feel like I am about to sneeze but nothing ever happens. 

It is still very hard to look at myself in the mirror with no hair.  It really doesn't look like me or feel like me.  I am getting use to it and not so conscious of being out in public but not sure whether that is because I don't care what anyone thinks.  

I am so so so so proud of Zach. The amount of money he has raised is just great.  He is currently a few pennies away from £1200.  I still can't believe he actually shaved his hair off and I am not sure his friends can either.  I had an interesting conversation with the school on Monday afternoon as I had forgotten to call them to let them know.  I was a little surprised with how his form tutor responded and wasn't that supportive and told me it was against the school rules and we should have waited I few weeks.  I get that and I am the first for rules at school but this was something that came from Zachary's heart and he needed to do it at the moment it felt right.  He has a little bounce in his step at the moment, I am sure there is a massive sense of achievement at a time that he has felt completely helpless.