Really funny that I can for the first time in 7 months I can see the end. I have so many mixed emotions.
Not sure, what to do, cry, laugh, celebrate. I cried quite a bit over the last few days, maybe it is just because I feel tired. I broke down completely on Friday, in public, not a great place to really sob. Ironically, I was attending a McMillian coffee morning and was happily chatting away to a gentleman, I had never met. He had lost his wife 2 1/2 years ago to breast cancer. It didn't get her straight away, it came back 3 years later. I really tried to compose myself, but could feel the emotions welling up and I just broke down and cried. Don't know if it was the reality of what was happening or the truth of how scared I feel sometimes of it coming back. The poor guy didn't know what to do with himself, while I sobbed. Just so close to home and too raw for words.
I have such mixed emotions about next week. There is a part of me that feels safe while I am having treatment, it has become my safety blanket, but a week Friday when it has all finished, that blanket goes. It does scare the hell out of me, don't know why, just terrifies me. I am expected to just carry on with life as though nothing has happened. I know that this is something I am very good at, but this feels different.
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