Just starting to feel tired now. Not sure if it is the radio or the driving to Guildford every day, but thanks to my army of friends who are doing the driving everyday it is not so bad.
Not so, invasive as chemo and the side effects are minimal, thank goodness. My skin is starting to go pink and the scar is a little sore, but overall not too bad at all.
Feeling pretty elevated at the moment, and feeling pretty normal. Last weekend I went out on both Friday and Saturday night. Friday night was the first time I have been out for 5 months. We all sat in the pub and then went for an Indian. Felt so good to be out and feel normal, even though I wasn't drinking and laughing at those who were. It felt good to be out in the crowd. Okay, my hair is still a little short but growing fast, I didn't feel like a cancer patient. It's funny that I still cannot get used to short hair even though all of my friends tell me that it really suits me and I should keep it short, I struggle with feeling feminine. Maybe this will change when it is a tad longer and I can have a fringe or more of a style that I have created. I have even changed the way I dress to suit my hair style. Dresses just seem to look wrong, it is most probably me that thinks this, but just the way I feel.
I can't wait until it has all finished, can't wait to be able to say the treatment the is over. I know that my journey with cancer will never come to an end, it will always be in the back of my mind, will it come back. I don't think negatively about it, just in my thoughts. I have managed to get rid of nearly all the weight I gained over the last 5 months. I have lost 7 kilos so far and only 2 left and I will be the same weight as back in March. I know a lot of people say I shouldn't worry about this, but I need to feel good about myself and control my weight is one thing I can control. I don't want it to slip on without realising.
After a little telling off by the nurse, I have decided to hang up my running shoes for a few weeks. I really struggled the other week and felt all wrong. I have found pilates though, I did enjoy it. I have always been a bit of a cardio junkie, but after my hour lesson, it felt great, it hurt and I slept like a log.
The boys seem to be getting back into normal life now Mummy is feeling good. They back to testing me and not so conscious about me being worn out. Luke is back to his normal awkwardness in the morning and my continuous negotiations to get an item on clothing on or to eat breakfast. Zach is back to his cheeky self with no weight on his shoulders to make sure I rest and not do too much. I didn't realise how much they both adapted themselves to me being ill until recently. Zach would get frustrated with Luke being awkward and getting upset and falling out, but now it seems life is getting back to normal. Zach's sense of humor is back and we have our normal giggles. We went out on our mountain bikes and did a bit of off roading, it was great fun and even had Luke throwing his bike in the hedge, because it is rubbish.
My garden has been great medicine for me too. Even though quite wild I have slowly cleared areas of it. Fingers crossed, chickens will be here soon. Work is the last bit to get back to normal and I am aiming for the 1st November after a well deserved holiday in October with the boys and Emily's family. Not sure what I would do with Em, always being there, putting her family out so that we benefit. I will never be able to say thank you enough to certain friends and family who have made this journey much easier.
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