Next Chapter Please

I would love be able to say that I had a great day on my birthday but unfortunately not.  I think I will put that one in a box and leave it closed forever.

My frame of mind at the moment is really not that good.  I haven't stopped crying for days, apparently this is normally.  I think my body wants to wind down after 7 months of keeping myself going and fighting.  It isn't until now that I have just been pushing through and now I feel exhausted with it all.

One day left and then I am done, feels really strange that next week there is nothing, just normal life. Met with a client today who hasn't seen me since March, I feel more conscious now, not so confident but I am sure that will come back.

Feel like 7 months has caught up with me, all in one week. I am pretty sure sometime over the next few weeks I will hit rock bottom.  It has been the worst week for tears this week, you would think I would be overjoyed that it's over, but I really feel nothing, just a bit empty and tired with it all. Desperate to get back to normal and forget.

Today - 10th October
Trying to treat today as my birthday as Charlotte is here and came with so many gifts last night, felt truly spoilt.  Feeling so tired today, not excited about the very last day of treatment.  Not sure whether to cry, laugh, scream or just collapse.  It did feel strange that next week there will be nothing, no more milestones or appointments.  The nurse's at St Lukes are all so cool and lovely and over the last 5 weeks had some good laughs.  When the treatment was done, I was meant to go and have some reflexology but really didn't feel like it.  Walked to Tescos, where Charlotte and Helen were waiting for me.  I did cry, when I saw them and we all hugged. My amazing friend Helen had champagne in the boot of the car with a Victoria sponge to celebrate, if I didn't have those 2 there I think I would have crumbled completely.  We were in the middle of the car park drinking champers at 11am in the morning, it went straight to my head and I then spent an hour constantly talking to Charlottes amusement.  Thankfully, it gave me a great distraction and the END became fun and full of laughter.

I do have some incredible positives happening and launching of new ventures, which is truly amazing and I am determined to make a positive out of this hideous journey that I had over the last 7 months.