Feel great!

Been meaning to sit down for days and write this. Have so much to say and not sure I will bore you with all the details as I will be writing forever.  The good thing is I feel great.  100% better than last week and been out walking the dog and getting bits done in the house.  God it feels good not to feel sick or dizzy.  I have zoomed around, yes, at half the rate before all of this started, but I don't care as I just feel alive, with my head held high and shoulders back.  Even contemplating a little run tomorrow, don't worry not far, not fast and with friend

I have learnt the true meaning of giving in the last week or so.  Peoples kindness has just humbled me and made me cry.  From little parcels left on my doorstep, ironing, cleaning, cooking, collecting, a total creation of a corner of my garden and the biggest one caring.  I want to just shout thank you out so loud as I am so grateful to those people that who really know the meaning of giving.  I sit and cry because it just so wonderful.  Today when my team of gardeners left I cried and I just couldn't express my gratitude.  On the funny side, Ben's face when he walked around the back of the house to see my ex boyfriend and parents mucking in.  Great that I can have ex husband and ex boyfriend in one place and all cool.

Had a real emotional rollercoaster over the last few days and I suppose thats why I haven't written anything.  My darling Zachary has really struggled with Mummy' glass being a quarter full.  Over a few days his behavior just got so bad that on Friday I had to send his room at 7 to calm down and gather his thoughts.  I cried as I held myself up on the banister trying to muster up the energy to discipline my child which ended up me crying on the step, Zach shouting at me and my little 7 year old cuddling his Mummy.  On Saturday Zach broke down and cried his little heart out.  He just felt so angry that he cannot do anything and Mummy can't do much and is too tired.  We had a tough weekend  with Ben having to come back from a weekend away to help me as I couldn't cope on my own.  After a few hours with Daddy they both came home with smiling faces.  It was a big learning curve with my limitations and that I only really have small windows of energy which isn't enough to occupy 2 boys all weekend.  All in the past now and I know that, so drawn a line under that experience and hope it won't I don't repeat it.

This week is my shutdown week.  Which basically means I am at my highest risk of infection.  Went to a football presentation on Sunday which was actually quite nerve racking as I was watching out for anyone that might look like they are going to sneeze or sniffle.  Shall not do that again just took up too much energy.  I am like having a newborn baby, sterilizing all of my cutlery, plates etc. Making boys wash their hands as soon as they get home.  Just having to be extra careful.

Bit of a long one.  I am going to write more frequently as I have forgotten lots of bits.  I know you don't care but I want a log of my journey as I am sure I will read it back sometime in the future.