First Date!

Well, thankfully I managed myself in a better way last week.  The keep going until I drop mentality just doesn't work anymore.

I have had to come to a few realisations that it is going to take me longer to get myself back up to where I was in March and I have to take it a lot slower.  It's hard to manage yourself, when it is something you have never had to do before. I rode at the weekend and changed the routine to mucking out first, then riding, which seemed to work and felt great when I came back.  Went cycling yesterday, which was fab and hard work. Did 17 miles, but instead of carrying on with my day trying to get stuff done, I had to sit for an hour or so until my energy levels were up again.  I know you might say "if it drains you, why do it?"  It makes me feel so good while I am doing it and after.  It gets my head straight and focused rather than feeling sorry for myself.

I went on my first date yesterday, what a bloody disaster.  I put myself back on the dating sites as I needed to do something to make me feel better about myself and the way I look.  I know that my hair looks okay, but it is about how I feel inside with my confidence which has taken a little tumble. I felt so depressed last week. Well, I was thankful that someone was interested!  Met this guy for coffee, he was straight away a bit too short, turn up in a lotus, should have walked away at that point, but being a glutton for punishment I went in.  OMG, he talked about himself for one hour and keep going on about my hair looking better long rather than short. Well, after 50 mins I plucked up enough courage up to say, I am sorry I am leaving.  He then did continue with, you must grow your hair.  I had to let him have it, I couldn't keep it in any longer. I blurted out that my hair was short because I am recovering from cancer.  I did want to follow it with your twat but thought I would be as polite as possible. The poor mans face just dropped he didn't know where to look.  I did feel a lot of satisfaction after that. Wasn't sure whether to cry or just laugh. It's so tough, knowing whether to tell someone about my journey.  I ask myself so many questions all the time.  Will they run away? Will it scare them?  I know that the right person will.  It does go through my mind that who wants to be with someone that was diagnosed with a life threatening disease.  Who wants to take the risk of maybe coming back. Maybe it is because I am not sure if I could!  On a really positive note, I then got chatting to another gentleman (you know me, I don't hang around for anyone) and he seems delightful.  Even quite excited about our date on Friday.  Loads in common, so watch this space.