Life goes on.

The summer holidays have began.  I have mixed feelings about it really, some is thank goodness I can relax in the mornings and the other is, shit I am on my own what am I going to do??  (Please this is not a plea for company just how I feel.)  The funny thing is that I need to be completely on my own, something I have to learn to do again.  Before all of this happened, I loved my time solo, but you do get very use to company and someone being in the house and now there is no one you have to get use to being with by yourself again.  You forget how important your daily routine is.  Not having the school run makes the day seem so much longer.  I am missing that, with Zach not walking in at 3pm and chatting to all the Mums while waiting for the children come out from the lessons.

The boys have gone camping with their Dad for a week, so trying to make it all positive and enjoy the time I have to relax and get stronger for when they return.  Still very tired and run at of energy by the end of the day.  An opportunity to sleep this week and get all those little jobs done around the house that have been left for the last 5 months.  I can't believe it has been 5 months since this has all started, the time has flown by really, even though some quite dark moments.  The one thing I am starting to realise is that my journey has really only just began and cancer is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.  I know that sounds dramatic, but there will always be a worry about whether it will return. You talk to people that have had it and they all say with a cheer 'clear for 5 years'.  I don't worry, but it plays on my mind all the time about what I am eating and drinking.  I am sitting here with a bottle of beer wondering whether I should not drink it or eat the piece of ham in the fridge, the extra spoon full of honey in my coffee in the morning. Will it give me cancer again?

Waiting for my appointment for radiotherapy to start. Bloody hate the waiting drives me nuts.  Again this whole experience is teaching me to sit back and let the universe decide what, when and how.  I have spent so much time stressing about stuff but at the end of the day it all works out in the end.  I am hoping it will start next week as Frank is coming from Vancouver and it would be great for him to be here and drive me to Guildford every day.  Not much fun for him but at least we will get some good shopping in.