Matt arrived yesterday loaded with Farmer Tom's Ice Cream....yummy. Ice cream is one food that I never really ate before, but now it is my staple diet for the week after chemo.
It is funny how when you have someone with you the stress of this journey seems to half. I do struggle some days with just everyday stuff but the house has to keep ticking over. Ali does a huge amount for me washing ironing etc but being Mum is tiring. Having Matt here this morning to do the dishwasher and put the washing out (sorry about the picture on Facebook) while I sort the boys for school just helps. 'A problem shared is a problem halved". Emily and I decided that I spend as little time as possible on my own. I broke down on Sunday when I got home. It was really hard coming home to a empty house after being in hospital since Wednesday. Even my dear little Bongo wasn't here to greet me. I just sat and sobbed, really cried. I didn't release how much it affected me until I got home. The whole environment of people so ill and dying.
Tuesday.
Went in today to have the picc put in but the doctors were still unhappy with my arm and wanted to put off chemo for another week. Pleaded with them again and they decided to go in the other arm but my consultant was unhappy as my right side was were I was operated on. Anyway, after 2 hours of deliberating they decided it would be okay to go into my right arm and chemo is on and picc re-booked for tomorrow.
Wednesday
Everything seems to get so complicated. Went into the doctors to have my picc line fitted and after several attempts it would not go in. The nurse had fitted 60 in the last 3 months and mine is the first not to work. Everything seems to be against me at the moment. Maybe I should just listen to what the universe is saying! Really questioning what this is all doing to my body. Each time a turn a corner a barrier is put up. Not sure what the way forward is as I have no veins to use and the picc line in my right arm is a no go and a sensitive left arm. Seeing the consultant tomorrow to find out what the plan is going forward. Chemo might not happen after all. What a load of bloody rubbish. My gut instinct is telling me to go for a second opinion on my results. Just to see if the next 3 are necessary, my body is responding so badly. I stupidly believed that being fit and healthy would help me get through this but quite the reverse. My body seems to be hating this experience and it all seems to be making me worse.
Thursday
Went to see my consultant. And after looking at what I have been through since starting this with the blood count, infections and my veins, she has decided that to continue with the treatment would have a detrimental effect on my health and would be too risky to continue. Looking at the cancer I had and the percentages it is likely that the cancer will not return. So folks, NO MORE CHEMO, YES, NO MORE CHEMO, NOOOOO MORE CHEEMMOOO. I cannot believe it, feel so relieved and happy that I don't have to go through the horrible experience. I still have to have 3 weeks of radiotherapy and hormonal tablets for the next 5-10 years but NO MORE CHEMO.
Good morning Stella. Just read this latest instalment of your journey and must say that's the best news. You must be so relieved? As I've read these chapters of yours I've never once thought, "Stella has cancer" but more along the lines of "Stella's getting rid of cancer". We'll done bird. You should get these published one day as I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks these chapters are quite brilliant and would be of great interest to other women who are going through the same thing as you.
ReplyDeleteHope you get back to 100% Stella soon. Much love and a big hug to you my beautiful twin sisterxxxx