Hamish had gone.
Within 1 hour of his death, his mother arrived with my best friend, Kerry and Jane. I was amazed at how my closets and dearest came to support me. I called my sister Emily at 8.15am, and she was at my house by midday. I am truly grateful for this; I really am.
Hamish's body didn't go until around 11 am. We all had to clear the room while the undertakers took the body. I can not remember what happened that day, apart from my sister cleaning the house and realised that I had not done any washing for a while. I had no idea. I had no support from his family; I was left to look after him alone. No one offered to help clean, cook or anything. Emily (sister) was so angry at this and could not understand why other members didn't do more. Later I was called some of his family 'Just the Girlfriend', and I was not significant in his life. None of us knew what the future held; I could well have married him, but an acknowledgement of what we had at the moment would have been a nice gesture. I stayed by his side, and my life was on hold for months. This hurt like hell. Hamish and I did all the Christmas Shopping before he died, he chose the presents, and I wrapped and handed them out to all the family. Some did not even get an acknowledgement.
My dear sister Emily and Charlotte started to get the house in order and supported me that week. It was time now to organise the funeral. Thankfully this was easy as H, and I had already done this apart from the order of service photo. His mother didn't like the picture I had to choose, so I let that one go. Zach, at 16, was going to be a coffin bearer; I was not sure if he could emotionally handle this, so we needed a backup. Natalie wanted it to be her brother-in-law, Emily's ex-husband, but I had already had a conversation with Hamish before his death, and he categorically did not want Keith to do this. He felt it was a betrayal of Emily, his sister, which I understood, but I have never been forgiven for this.
The funeral date had been set.
I resumed regular Mum duties on the Saturday after his death and took Zach to his weekly football match. I also had Luke with me; it was my first public appearance since Hamish died. I had been getting pain in my right side for quite some time and had been to the doctor 4 times. The day before, I had been to Basingstoke Hospital and saw a consultant who wanted to organise a CT Scan and felt it could be Ovarian Cancer. However, this did not go in; I was still numb from the last week.
During the football match, the pain got worse; one of the Mums recommended that I speak with 111. After a few calls, the doctor wanted to see me at Basingstoke. So I left the match and headed off. The boys went back with Cathy, one of the football Mums. I arrived at the hospital, and the doctor sent me straight up to ward C (this is the same word Hamish was admitted to a month earlier) with suspected Appendicitis. Appendicitissultant I had seen the day before came and saw me. He again felt it was ovarian. I needed a CT Scan, but that was impossible until the next day. The option was to stay overnight. I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to, and I didn't want to put the boys through any more trauma. There was enough trauma for one week.
At 8 am the next day, I was picked up by my neighbour Nicky. I was taken straight to the CT Scanner. Being first, it did not take long, and I was back in the wheelchair, being taken back to the ward. On the return, the nurse asked how long the pain had been there? I replied quite a few months. She did say it was likely to be cancer. I then heard a shout, Stella. It was Hamish's palliative nurse. I explained the goings-on and that they thought I had ovarian cancer. I cannot remember her name, but she ran off with I will sort this. You do not have cancer back at the ward. The palliative nurse had speeded my results, and it was not cancer; it was acute Appendicitis. Appendicitisgot it wrong. I only stayed 24 hours; I could not stay any longer. The hospital made me so anxious. I need to get out.
The following week we had the funeral. The most significant part of the funeral that touched my heart was that 5 of Zachary's friends all turned up to support him. Just beautiful. They all walked in a line behind the Hurst to the grave. We also had a fly-by with 2 small planes. Hamish would have loved it.
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