I really get stressed before an appointment, I should be pleased and relieved as I am on the treadmill, but it seems such a long time from finishing treatment to my first appointment which was only last week. I suppose there is a lot of fear in there that there might be another lump or something could be wrong, it is such an unknown field. No one can say you are cured, no one can tell you it will never return. Every little stabbing pain you get, your automatic reaction is to think "is it back?" Things are good though, I have repaired well, but the breast pain could be there for a week, a month or forever, it is such an individual thing. Just something you have to live with. Its a consent monitoring. The nice thing was to have someone there that you are emotionally involved with. I love my friends and they were all so amazing and would never let me do a hospital visit on my own, but to have a hug when tears build up in your eyes just helps. Ironically, I was in the same room, as last year. I did start to cry as it brought back that day, nearly one year ago when I was told I had breast cancer. Can't believe it really sat here writing this.
God so much has happened in the last 12 months, okay, some of it has been shit, but there has been so much good stuff too. It has changed me and I feel, in a better way. Maybe I am more honest with myself in situations, also to trust myself that things will be okay. The cancer is all around us now. More and more people of being diagnosed. I had a mail today from a friend whose friend has just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and not dealing with it very well, he asked me if I would speak with her. I feel privileged that he has asked me and that I can help. It is such a lonely time and all the people you love
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